President Obama was both bold and courageous in his speech. He talked of many things but the bravery came in addressing the responsibility of the African countries to work hard and know that the fate of their future lies in their hands. He said the days of colonialism are over. We heard some boos from the crowds and knew his communication was risky. As soon as he said it, my husband commented on his belief that only Obama, an African American man, could speak that into the listening crowd. Not two minutes later, the commentator on CNN said the very same thing. I understood this as a woman. I would not be able to hear a white man telling me that it's time to move on from gender issues or using women's oppression as an excuse for my own responsibility. I could hear from a woman, however, who had first hand experience in living as a woman, experiencing the subtle and sometimes not so subtle, ways in which woman are treated and oppressed. It was a risky statement for President Obama to make and I can easily relate it to my own emotional sobriety or lack thereof.
For me, the real issue that Obama addressed was how to overcome being and feeling victimized in our own lives? This is an important issue. If our goal is emotional sobriety, not being run by our feelings, but managing and embracing our emotions in a way that serves us, then this includes not being overrun by a sense of being victimized in our own lives. We must experience a sense of personal power and choice so that we are not at the effect of the circumstances in our lives. If we are not at the effect of the circumstances and outside influences in our lives, then perhaps we are at choice and prepared for what comes our way. Not only able to handle it with some sense of fluidity and poise, but also growing in the ability to respond with alacrity and preparedness. We can even move into co-creating and positively influencing the circumstances of our lives.
The quandary in my mind, however, is that there was and is often victimization and oppressive injustices that do occur in individual lives and in the collective societal structure. We can not deny that slavery existed and the men and women were traded for coins and held in bondage, without rights and ownership of their own bodies. We can't deny that women have repeatedly been financially oppressed, raped and set up to see themselves as sexual objects and dependent on others outside of themselves. These realities exist. I am also a firm believer that one can not overcome an obstacle or barrier until the reality of the barrier is acknowledged and this is essential with our emotional wounds. We can not heal a loss until we acknowledge that it exists, nor can we forgive a transgression if we deny it took place.
In this situation, more than most, there is a higher level of maturity and discernment that is called for from all involved. There is an acknowledgment of the oppression, of the abuse, of the trauma inflicted and yet we must also be conscious to not enslave ourselves to the resentment, emotional drama and entitlement beliefs that signal the lack of emotional maturity and sobriety. This is advanced level emotional and spiritual maturity which requires us to be in the reality of the maltreatment and injustice but not be crippled and tangled in the smallness of it all. Even as author of this topic, right here and now, I can not attest to living this principle in a powerful way and finding the pinnacle of emotional sobriety from my own victimization. I state it now as a goal and aspiration for myself as well.
Emotional Sobriety and highly function living means to know and fully embrace all the ways that I have been victimized personally in my life and societally without using that reality in a way that keeps me tangled up in resentments, blame and a constant sense of entitlement. If I do this, I also give my energy and emotional vitality over to the mistreatment and abuse of someone else. This vital energy remains captive, without my intention and focus to use as I choose. I now enslave and re-victimize myself.
If I am committed to emotional Sobriety, then I must also be committed to the following:
1. An acknowledge of the ways that I was victimized in my own life and societally.
2. A willingness to grieve these losses such that there is freedom and constructive use of emotions and energy.
3. Take actions that are in alignment with my time, focus and with my commitments in life, not using what was done to me as an excuse for not taking responsibility for the direction of my life, my relationships and my passion today.
I wish I had some magical pills to take or even steps we might try together to move into this very mature and sophisticated balance between grieving and acknowledging our losses and not using them to cripple and enslave us in our lives. I think it takes time, intention and the calling upon spiritual resources to assist in this way. We need emotionally sober relationships with others and circles of support, both personal and professional to learn these advanced living skills.
It's worthwhile, however. I image living my life in such a way that I have used the lessons from ways I have been oppressed and hurt to develop compassion for myself and others. I imagine from this I am able to be of service to others needing encouragement and partnership. I can offer compassion for their pain and losses and at the same time offer a hand in alliance when and if they want to work on behalf of their own lives and empowerment. This includes economic, spiritual and emotional liberation.
I think an emotionally sober life calls from within us the responsibility to give up our victimization and at the same time to be present to ours and others emotional and various injustices. For me, this requires a connection to a Spiritual Source. I need to be in communion with a power greater than myself that can and will heal and transform my ego wounds and pain.
The way to making a difference for others who are oppressed is first welcoming and allowing a difference in our own lives. We must be willing to authentic grieve and embrace ways we have been oppressed and victimized and do the further healing and empowerment work to keep from using this injustice to keep ourselves enslaved as victims.
Together we can,
Sally
