Emotional Flexibility

One of the things that makes changing our behavior so challenging is that we get used to things a certain way, even our misery. It's predictable. We can count on it. As adults who bring with them some dysfunctional emotional behavior from addictive family systems, predictability and knowing what we can count on does, in and of itself, create stability. So, taking the risk of "doing it differently" with our emotional expression and behavior, the only behavior we can really change, takes courage. It also requires that we willingly step into the unknown and trust the process of our recovery and trust our Higher Power.

Our empowerment and healing is an emotional and spiritual journey. This journey to emotional maturity requires discipline, focus and commitment. It happens over time and utilizing spiritual resources as well as healthy emotional resources and support is important.

Here are a couple of reminders as we venture into the unknown of changing our behavior in our quest for emotional sobriety:

1. Keep in mind that we can only control ourselves, our emotions and our behavior. Whatever we may or may not do, it may or may not evoke or inspire change in our partners or other relationships. But the peace of knowing we are in charge of our emotions, using them to guide us and choosing our expression around them, is irreplaceable and fulfilling.

2. Support is an important cog in the recovery and healing commitment that we have around emotional sobriety. Check in with someone and get another mature person's detached perspective before having a difficult conversation or when you experience a strong emotional reaction. Getting to the source of the emotions rather than "acting them out or in" is a practice that creates emotional sobriety over time. Check in with someone we trust who has some emotional maturity before we react with strong emotion and then after we've calmed down and understood the source of the emotion we carry. We call this bookending. It a great practice when experiencing intense emotions or practicing new behaviors and utilizes the necessary tool of support in our lives.

3. Pray. Re-member that this is a spiritual program and a spiritual process. Learning from our emotions, taking new actions and letting go of the result is a good practice. Ask your Higher Power/Spiritual Source to guide you and continue to pray for the highest good to come out of the action you have taken, both for yourself and anyone else involved.

4. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Leaving the familiar dynamics/reactivity we carry within ourselves and that we create with others is uncomfortable. Learning new ways to hold, express and learn from our intense emotions is also uncomfortable. Even when we are not getting the results we want from our behavior and emotional expression, trying new behavior and holding our emotions before acting on them, is uncomfortable. And often, it is scary for the people in our lives as well, so be willing to be uncomfortable when and if others resist our new behaviors and the way we express our emotions in relationship to them.

New habits take time. Learning to recognize the source of strong emotional reactions takes time. Finding and practicing new ways to express our feelings takes time. Re-creating our family tree takes time and increasing our emotional intelligence takes time as well.

Be kind. Be patient. Have compassion and understanding for yourself and remember to forgive when you revert to the old ways of emotional reactivity.

Love and blessings,

Sally

Emotional Sobriety, Self-Care and Divine Purpose

My maternal grandmother was born in Italy on the 6th of January; the feast of the Epiphany. This is a holy day in which Jesus Christ was made manifest and visited by the Three Kings. It was a time that celebrates God made manifest in this human being, Jesus.

While I am not active in the Catholic Church today, I have deep appreciation for the connection and resonance of ritual, ceremony and an honoring of the ancient that I learned growing up in the Church. On this coming feast day, I honor my ancestors, especially my grandmother, my Nona. More symbolically, I reflect upon and honor the ways in which I am called to make manifest the Divine in my world. How can I more purposefully make a difference in the lives of others? Where am I called to share my gifts and express my soul's purpose to be of service?

Emotional Sobriety is the foundation for a vibrant spiritual practice and for making a difference in the world. Healing our own emotional wounds, learning emotional intelligence, allowing our emotions to guide us with wisdom rather than control us with impulsivity is a necessary first step in honoring our divine purpose and destiny in the world.

As the new year begins, it is a good time for me to recommit to practices that nourish and comfort me. Bold self-care has been a theme in the past year and this year it will remain a priority. Journaling, learning to identify my emotions and express them directly and cleanly, doing family of origin work that cleanses and heals past hurts and addictive dynamics must continue.

As I nourish and care for self first through these healthy emotional behaviors, I am filled from within able to give more authentically to others. As I honor my passions and what inspires and enlivens my spirit, I honor the Divine's whispering to me as well. This is the most profound path for making a difference in the world. It begins with tending to our emotional needs and wants, learning healthy communication strategies and grieving our losses from our past. With this emotional maturity as a foundation, we can begin to honor our passions from within. Healthy spiritual practices will continue to nurture our emotional maturity. From this place, we make manifest the Divine in our world and in our relationships with others.

As the New Year unfolds, I invite and encourage a commitment from all that we honor and nourish and care for ourselves above all us. As we do, we can trust that we give to others from fullness and out of an authentic care and love. We no longer take emotional hostages. We assume a healthy responsibility for our emotions and the expression of them as well. When we keep our emotional sobriety and intelligence as a priority in our lives, we are able to connect with our passions. We will find our purpose and divine destiny.

May the year be filled with great self-love, forgiveness for the ways we fall short of our own expectations and the courage to honor that which inspires us from deep within as we make manifest the Divine in our own lives and the lives of others.

Blessings in the coming year,