Vulnerability and Maturity

One of the rewards of emotional sobriety is maturity. As we learn to hold our feelings inside for a time, give labels to them and then express them constructively, we increase our own emotional intelligence. We become aware of all of our feelings but are not ruled by them. We don't act them out in rage or internalize them by medicating with food or alcohol, shopping or care-taking others. We develop an internal capacity to hold them, seek counsel when necessary and create circles of support to express our emotions honestly. When we are able to do this, we then welcome the gifts within our feelings. Sadness offers an opportunity to connect with others. Fear teaches us wisdom and guides us in making safe choices. Our anger may lead us deeper to other feelings below or indicate a way that we have been violated. We use anger to set boundaries and protect ourselves.

Learning to be vulnerable, honest and direct with our feelings, needs and wants in our relationship with ourselves and others is a sign of the maturity based on emotional sobriety. We begin to attract people that we can be honest with and who encourage our forthrightness. As we develop e a sense of trust and safety within ourselves, we take more and more emotional risks to reveal who we really are to others. We then learn how to choose trustworthy people. This enables authentic connection, true vulnerability and we are well on the path to emotional sobriety.